


Language Is Hard

by the_fangirl_in_a_wheelchair



Series: Qintha Writes Crack [5]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Bad Puns, Crack, Gen, Germany gets the short end of the stick in most of these, Language Jokes, Mild Pairing Mention, The author loves puns, also making characters look stupid, but this is still a gen fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-07-17 16:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16099373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_fangirl_in_a_wheelchair/pseuds/the_fangirl_in_a_wheelchair
Summary: Edit: Okay! This is a multichapter fic now! I hope you like bad language puns, because this story is gonna have TONS of them!





	1. Two German Spies Walk Into A Bar

**Author's Note:**

> During WWII, two German spies walk into a bar... (just a short cracky and punny story based off a joke I got from the YouTube, sorry if this has been done before or seems kinda lame, i'll post a more serious story again some other day)

During World War II, two German spies walk into a bar, they agreed before that they won't ask for Schnapps as the locals would find it suspicious, so one of them orders in perfect english.

"Don't worry West, I got this." Prussia assures his brother, he then went over to the bar.

"I'm not so sure about this..." Germany watch his brother order.

Prussia sat down at one of the stools. "I would like two martinis please!"

"Dry?" Ask the barman.

"Nein mann, nicht drei, nur zwei!"

Germany facepalm at his brother's stupidity.

The barman immediately called the Allies on them, the Allies arrested the both of them.


	2. Soy Milk

One morning in Spain...

"What's up with that stupid look on your face?" Romano asked Spain.

"What if soy milk was really just milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?"

"... I'm declaring independence from you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soy: I am in Spanish


	3. I'm Looking For The Cat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight NSFW and GerIta (I think)

* * *

Italy found a stray cat and decided to take them home with him, he then introduced the cat to Germany, but the cat got scared of Germany and ran away, causing Italy to cry, so Germany offered to find the cat for Italy just to get him to stop crying.

While Germany was searching for the cat, he suddenly heard Romano's voice.

"Hey, potato bastard, what are doing peeking through bushes like a pervert?"

"Ich suche die katze."

"YOU WHAT?!"

Later...

"Germany, you're back! Did you find- Why do you have a black eye?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> German: Ich suche die katze = i'm looking for the cat
> 
> From what I've heard it would sound a lot like
> 
> Italian: Io succhio il cazzo = I suck the dick


	4. Retard

France is late to the G8 meeting, so England decided to text him.

_Hey france where the hell are you? We are about to start the meeting!_

France texted back a few minutes later.

_Retard_

England spits out the tea he was drinking. Did that bloody frog just called him a retard?!

Later...

"Sorry I'm late everyone, I-" England throws a stack of papers at France.

"HOW DARE YOU CALLED ME A RETARD YOU DAMN FROG!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French = English translations
> 
> Retard = Late (pronounce differently)


	5. I Lost My Ring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning/s: Probably OOC, dick joke ahead, also OC (Indonesia is male btw).

Japan was heading back from a meeting, when he noticed Indonesia who appears to be searching under the table for something.

"Indo-kun, are you looking for something?"

"Oh Japan, I can't find my- Actually I forgot the word in English."

"Then why don't you refer to it in Indonesian."

"Okay, I lost my cincin."

"... I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly, did you say that you lost your cincin?"

"Yes, I lost my cincin- Why are you giggling?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cincin = Ring in Indonesian
> 
> Chinchin = Penis in Japanese (mostly used by the younger generation)


	6. Intermission

Author: Ok, let's have a little intermission for a chapter, the topic is 'Words That Sound Different In One Language'. So, is this gonna be a thing? Probably. Also, sorry if I get something wrong, I only know English and Indonesian.

Author: First, what is this in your national language? *holds up a pineapple*

Italy: Oh that's an easy one.

Almost Every Country: Ananas (or a version of it).

English Speaking Countries: Pineapple.

_Awkward silence_


	7. America The Beautiful Country

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A request from AquaEclipse.
> 
> I hope I got the pronunciation right.

 

"America, what are you doing?"

"I'm reading, what does it look like I'm doing?"

Canada looks at his brother as if he's grown a second head.

America notice his brother staring at him. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just that, you don't normally read, especially not that type of book." Canada pointed out the Mandarin to English dictionary in his brother's hands.

"Alright, you got me. The truth is I'm trying to find out what 'Meiguo' means."

"Mei... guo...?"

"Yeah, China calls me that a lot, and I want to know if he has been complimenting or insulting me all this time." America turns his attention back towards the dictionary. "Meiguo... Meiguo... Mei- Aha! Found it! It means..."

America became silent for a few moments.

"America... Is everything alright?" Canada asked.

America finally looks up, he has tears in his eyes. "He thinks I'm beautiful!"

"Oh brother..."

* * *

On the next World Meeting, America wouldn't stop showering China with compliments.

"Aiyah! What the hell is up with you today Měiguó?!"

"I think you're beautiful too, man!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chinese = English translation
> 
> 美國 (Měiguó) = America/Beautiful country


	8. Preservatives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning/s: Slight NSFW?
> 
> I realized that I could have done this with other English speaking countries, but it probably wouldn't be as funny.

 

England and France were baking in the kitchen, when suddenly England said, "Hey, can you get me some preservatives?"

France stares at him. "What?"

"I said I need some preservatives."

"Preservatifs...?"

"Yes, did I stutter? Preservatives."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." England was getting irritated now.

"Okay." France left to get the preservatives, for some reason he had an amused smile on his face.

A minute later France came back and gave England a packet of condoms.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!"

"You said you needed some preservatifs." France smirks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Preservatifs (French) = apparently it means Condoms


	9. I Got You A Gift!

"Germany~ There's a package for you."

"Really? Who is it from?"

"Ve~ there's a note attached to it." Italy reads the note. "It's from England, he says it's a gift for you."

As soon as Italy said the word 'gift' Germany immediately throws the package out of the house.

"Germany why did you just threw the package out the window?"

It turns out the package was just filled with scones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> German = English
> 
> Gift = Poison


	10. Love Affair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wanted to do this one actually, but I keep forgetting, thank you NoEndInSight13 for reminding me :)

  * "Where are they? They're late!" Sealand screamed in rage.



The micronations were supposed to be having a meeting today (well, almost all of the micronations, Ladonia is currently sick with a virus so he can't attend), but most of them are late. Seborga is the first and only one to arrive.

"Calm down Sealand, you know how the others practically live in different continents." Said Seborga trying to calm the other micronation down. "Just give them time, they'll be here."

Sealand pouts, then mumbles. "I guess you're right."

"By the way Sealand, I haven't seen your father around."

"Mama said that he went out to get fika. Whatever that means." Sealand shrugs.

Seborga look shocked. "W-What?! Sealand what did you say?"

"I said he went out to get fika."

Seborga look even more shocked. "Sealand is that true?!"

Sealand stares at his friend in confusion, he didn't understand why Seborga looks so panicked. "Yes?"

Seborga grabs Sealand's shoulders. "Sealand, I don't know how to tell you this, but I think your father is cheating on your mother!"

"What makes you say that Seborga?"

Meanwhile, in the living room, Finland could be seen sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee, reading a book, enjoying a nice relaxing afternoon.

Then suddenly...

"MAMA! PAPA IS CHEATING ON YOU!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fika (Swedish) = Coffee Break
> 
> Fika (Italian) = Vagina


	11. Intermission 2

Author: Time for another Intermission! Featuring the Nordics only this time. *holds up a picture of the flag of Sweden* So, what do you call Sweden in your language?

Denmark: Why his name? Why not my name?

Sweden: *glares at Denmark*

Author: Just say his country name.

Denmark: Okay okay. Sverige.

Norway: Sverige.

Sweden: Sverige.

Iceland: Svíþjóð.

Author: *shrugs* Eh close enough. Finland?

Finland: *sheepishly* Ruotsi...

awkward silence*


	12. Good Morning

The nations are having a meeting today, and as usual, Germany is one of the first nations to arrive at the conference room. As he was checking on his papers, the doors to the conference room opens up, and entered Lithuania and Poland.

"Lithuania, Poland, guten morgen." He greeted them politely.

The next thing Germany knew, a stray shoe hit him in the face.

"Poland!" Lithuania shrieked. "Why did you do that for?!"

"What? Like, he was the one who told me to throw my shoe at him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guten Morgen (German) apparently sounds like Butem w mordę (Polish) = shoe in the face


	13. To XXXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some mild NethIndo because I couldn't help myself XD
> 
> Edit: Fixed the typo *dies of embarassment*

"Brother, where are you going?" Belgium asked her brother who just came out of his room.

"Poepen."

"In that case, say hi to Indonesia for me!" She cheerfully told him.

Netherlands stops dead in his tracks with a hand on the bathroom's door. A confused look etched on his face as he stares at Belgium.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poepen (Dutch) = To shit
> 
> Poepen (Belgian Dutch) = To have sex


	14. My Kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brazil is male.

Knock

Knock

"I'm coming!"

Brazil opens his front door. "Portugal? What are you doing here?" He asked, surprised to see his former caretaker at his house.

Portugal smiles. "I came here to visit my puto, you."

There was a momentary silence.

Then Brazil slams the door in front of Portugal. Hard.

Portugal scratch his head in confusion. "What did I say?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Puto (Portuguese) = Kid
> 
> Puto (Brazilian Portuguese) = Whore (masculine)

**Author's Note:**

> Dry sounds like Drei which is three in German


End file.
